Month of Positivity...

I will be taking a month-long hiatus from writing this blog to recover from surgery. I will be back mid-May. This will be my ultimate test. How positive will I be while in pain and unable to get up and go as I please?  For a mover and shaker like me, it will take immense control. I will remind myself daily that living a positive life is not always an easy choice but it's the right choice and it's worth the effort. See you in a month!

I Did Not Wake Up Today To Be Mediocre...

I was doing some research the other day and came across a quote that just stuck in my head. “I did not wake up today to be mediocre.”  I just love that.  It’s so true.  The time we are given is just that – it’s a gift – so why not give it all ya’ got? What’s the point in giving the world half of you, or just a taste.  I promise you have something huge to share with the world. Show up.  Show up big.  Greatness comes with effort and we all have it in us if we just get out of our own way. Make it count.

I was talking to someone going through a tough time yesterday, and he felt like he wasn’t really sure of his purpose in the world. He wasn’t sure what he was good at, or what value he had to share with others. I think a lot of people feel that way sometimes, but if you take out all the noise (job, school, family) and sit with yourself, I think you will find there is a gem ready to sparkle, but you have to value it and you have to utilize it with boldness every day. This particular person has an infectious smile and an ability to make other people happy with his joy. What a gift to give to the world.

I do not plan to live a mediocre life. Even in my stereotypical, suburban life, I don’t need to settle for “easy” or settle for “good enough.” Every thing I do, and everything I give should be with my whole heart. I may not be working in the rat race anymore, and my kids are grown and almost flown. In years, my life is likely half over, but I am not even close to done in uncovering my potential.  I haven’t yet discovered the adventure that awaits me next, but I’m “simply positive” I am going to give it all I have.

NOTE:  This blog will be on hiatus for weeks as I recover from surgery.  I POSITIVELY look forward to writing again soon!  xox

My Attitude for Gratitude

Last week a lot of people lost power due to crazy storms and high winds.  We are still half-way through Winter here in Michigan, so being without power is a big deal. There was a story on the evening news about a little, old woman who was living with no power or heat for close to a week.  She lived alone and suffered from COPD. She was on her last tank of oxygen.  She was cold and bundled up in multiple layers of coats and scarves. She had no family to turn to for help.  She was scared, but most of all, she was grateful to have a roof over her head.  She was grateful for the snow on her porch, so she had somewhere to store her food. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve been a pain in the ass.

As many of you know, I’ve dealing with what I refer to as “some physical bullshit” and have been ordered off my feet for a bit.  Being homebound is not easy for someone with a lot of energy and I'd be lying if I said I was always cheerful about it.  Since I saw this story on the news, it was a great reminder to be grateful.  What I’m going through is absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of life.  So many people have real suffering in the world. So many people don’t have others to help them or care for them.  I am in no position to complain when I have so much to be grateful for. 

I'm not sure how, or why I stopped morning meditation, but I think I'm going to try hard to get back into the groove.  Starting your day with intention is really a gift to yourself. Checking in with yourself and what your needs are is a beautiful thing; it's also important to check in with yourself to see what you are supposed to be giving back to the world around you.  What are you holding back? 

This week I’m taking special care to pay attention to each and every person that makes an impact on my life. I don't want to take it for granted that I have so many loving souls around me, working hard to make my life better or easier. I don't want to forget to tell my children that I love them, or that my friends mean the world to me. You never know when, or if, you will have a chance to tell someone they’ve made a difference to you, so what are you waiting for? The people in our lives are gifts and I do believe they are there for a reason. You might think they are little gifts, but sometimes, they turn into the biggest ones.  (So, super Shout Out to my neighbors and friends, the Pesicks - who lent me their lazy boy chair.  Yes, it was just sitting in their basement, and they probably think this is no big deal, but for someone who can't sit on the couch and can rarely sleep in a bed these days, this is a HUGE deal to me.  THANK YOU!)  (AND Second Shout Out to my Partner in Crime, Sherry, who has become my personal shopper - you are the BEST!) Okay since I'm on a roll, let me thank my incredible, amazing Mother-in-Law, who drops her world at any sign of my needs - who woke up at the crack of dawn to spend the day at the hospital with me for testing last week.  And let's not forget my handsome, partner in crime, David, who does absolutely everything for me and doesn't complain - EVER - yesterday, after doing every chore imaginable, he still managed to bring me my favorite breakfast (avocado toast! YUM!). I know this is just as hard on you as it is on me and I'm soooo appreciative. Okay, sorry, this blog is getting out of control now.....what I'm trying to say is, Pay attention to your gifts and start each day with a grateful heart – I am “simply positive” it’s a key to a happy life.

Hello, My Name is People Pleaser

Like any artful masterpiece, we humans are a work in progress.  Every day is an opportunity to pay attention to the things that cause us, or others harm, and to take action in becoming the best versions of ourselves.  I spend a lot of time thinking about other people, which is one of the virtues of which I’m most proud.  It is also one of the things that cause trouble.  Putting others needs before my own is instinctive, and not drawn by a need to be liked.  It’s important to me to keep a peaceful surrounding – to keep everyone around me happy and calm.

Being a “people pleaser” is not always a wonderful trait.  It may seem selfless and generous, but it has caused me to put myself in uncomfortable and sometimes dangerous situations.  When I was in middle school, a girl I barely new had her purse stolen at the library we were both studying in.  I was so angry for her that I ran after the perp into a dangerous area to get it back.  I gave no thought to my surroundings, or what would happen if, and when I actually caught up to the guy.  I missed him and we eventually called the police, but my instinct to help overtook rationality. 

Most people think being a people pleaser is a good thing.  For me, it’s been more of a curse.  It takes everything I have to put my needs first and when I do, it is a sweet victory.  This past year, I’ve been putting a lot of effort into the things I need to work on and one of those things, is putting myself first. I’ve taken time off from the rat-race to grieve the loss of my parents; I’ve said “no” to social engagements I knew would not bring joy; I’ve let go of toxic relationships.  This past week I was especially proud of myself when I put a stop to a medical test that terrified me. I was close to a panic attack when I realized the only reason I was going through with it was because I felt bad for the technicians and doctors that were prepped and ready for me.  It took everything I had to stop and listen to myself and put a stop to it.  I was morbidly embarrassed and felt terrible but in the end, I was really proud of myself for putting my needs first. 

While I’m working hard to put myself first these days, I’m still the girl who will bring you soup when you are sick or be your shoulder to cry on when you are sad.  I’m
“simply positive” that I can kick my “people pleasing” habit without losing who I am at heart.

Here are some great tips for People-Pleasers ready for a change:

1. Make peace with the fact that not everyone is going to like you—and actually, that’s okay.

2. Learn to say no in a way that feels okay to you. (No making excuses allowed!)

3. Accept that you will feel guilty when you say no to something the first few times.

4. Start setting some boundaries.

5. Let go of the people who use your people pleaser tendencies on purpose.

(List by Claire Hogsdon – TinyBudha.com)

Good Sportsmanship is Elementary, my dear President!

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about good sportsmanship.  For as long as I can remember, I’ve been super competitive.  I remember in elementary school being so excited to run a relay, that I didn’t pay any attention to our gym teacher’s instruction.  When he blew the whistle, I just took off.  Realizing I was a good length ahead of my peers, I was so proud of myself…until I realized I had no idea which way we were supposed to run.  I ended up taking us around our school a good half-mile longer than we needed to run and my classmates were not too thrilled.  I learned that day that you could lose the same race you win.  Being a good teammate and a good sport is more important than almost anything else.  Even my third-grade self was able to grasp the concept.  It’s been baffling me all week how the leader of our country missed this school playground fundamental.

It’s Elementary, my dear President…no one likes a Bully, no one likes a Cry Baby and no one likes a Bad Sport.  This past week, watching He Who Shall Not Be Named “take his ball and go home” when it comes to the media has reminded me that it’s important, at any age, to be a good sport.  We can’t always get our way.  We can’t always win. Life is not always going to be fair and sometimes we will work hard for no reward.  It’s called being an adult.  Reading about credible news sources being blocked from press conferences and rhetoric of media brain washing is the epitome of a political temper tantrum.  As adults, we should be reminded that at any age,  sportsmanship plays a role in our daily lives.  How we carry ourselves at work and at play matters.  Any opportunity we have to “play the game” of life with integrity is an opportunity for growth.

Part of growing up means sometimes doing things you don’t want to do, with people you don’t want to be with, and accepting you control your own actions and not necessarily those of others.  Our president’s decision that the media is not relevant because he feels attacked is not only embarrassing, but is putting our democracy at risk.  Refusing to attend the White House Correspondents’ Dinner is not a strategic move of strength. It is bad sportsmanship in neon letters.  If you are still in training pants, I think it’s acceptable to throw a tantrum; if you are a world leader, I’m afraid it’s time to grow up. I’m “simply positive” his bad example for our country will serve as exactly that.

Happiness is an Attitude...Do the Work

Each Sunday I sit with myself and reflect on what I’ve learned about myself that week or what is a driving theme in my journey of living positively.  This past week I just couldn’t muster the energy to write.  I’ve been struggling lately with my inner four-year old.  You know the one that has a temper tantrum when things don’t go her way?  For years, I’ve been struggling with a painful injury that finally needs addressing.  I’ve bitten the bullet and agreed to surgery….. and ever since this decision; I’ve been a cranky, whiny mess.  All week long, I have been the anti-Dena.  I’ve been focusing on the pain and focusing on what’s to come and it’s been dragging my under. 

What’s interesting, is that while I am usually the family cheerleader, my darling husband sent me a quote mid-week that was such a “Dena quote’ I promptly wrote it on my chalk board in my kitchen.  I’m staring at it right now and it is making me laugh.  While I wrote it down with the intention that I would absorb it like a mantra and live it, I let it rest on the surface and just resisted it all week.  I was too busy concentrating on my misery.  Here is the quote:  “Happiness is an attitude.  We either make ourselves miserable or happy and strong.  The amount of work is the same.”  Let that one sink it a bit – the amount of Work is the same.  It takes such work to be in pain and to complain and to be a whiney pain in the ass.  I’ve spent so many years making such an intention to live positively and with kindness and you know what?  It is work.  I’d like to say I am an angel or a saint and it is just effortless, but sometimes it takes effort.  Sometimes I don’t want to be the bigger person.  Sometimes I don’t want to put forth the energy to do what’s beneficial for someone else…. but in the end, it’s what feeds me.  It is how I need to live my live and, selfishly, it brings me an immense amount of joy.  Being mean and cranky and in pain is just draining the life out of me.  I know I will have a long road of it ahead and I can deal with it if I remember that the work is the same.  I think we all can agree that we’d rather live happy and strong, than miserable – I’m “simply positive” I’m ready to put one foot in front of the other and start again. 

Spending More Time in Airplane Mode

Lately I’ve been fantasizing about a beach vacation. Far away.  With no phones. No computers.  No televisions.  No radios.  And no people.  Just me and the sand and the waves.  No influx of emails asking for more petition signatures, or donations or emergency actions.  No sound bites from crazy politicians.  No CNN alerts.  No impending doom looming.  Just sun and sand and serenity.   

In my fantasy, sole vacation, politics just don’t exist.  The only decision facing the nation I’m visiting is whether to drink my pina colada before or after dinner.  Am I anti-American for just wanting to get off the crazy train?  Just for a few days? Every day brings something more and more outrageous and I can’t help feeling we’re about to fall off our comfy couch.

I like to think I am well-informed, have strong opinions, and am ready to fight the good fight.  I watch the news, I read and until this week, truly wanted to hear and understand others’ opinions on the world we live in.  Lately, however, I feel like I’m living on a merry-go-round that I’m not allowed to get off of.  I’ve been feeling anxious and have been having a terrible time sleeping; the evening news and social media hysteria have been repeating it’s maddening loop until dawn. I’m just exhausted from it all, figuratively and literally.

A few days ago I decided to give myself a much-needed break from it all.  Three days of peace.  I wasn’t able to escape to paradise, but I did take a break from my addiction to NPR, Facebook and the news.  Just peace and quiet.  As much as I craved this break, it was harder than I thought it would be to resist.  The absence of it emphasized how much I was addicted to it.  Like many, I was controlled by the “need-to-know” coupled by the power to obtain it in almost real-time.  I also became acutely aware of how rare idle hands had become to me.  How often do we stand in line at the grocery store with idle hands?  How often do we sit and have coffee with idle hands?  How often do we wait for a movie to start with idle hands?  Here is what I learned in three days.  Never.  But I’m ready for a change.  

This weekend I went to a cooking class with my husband.  I didn't even think about bringing my phone. For two hours I cooked and learned and interacted with human beings.  I was fully engaged. I did not photograph my food.  I did not take selfies with the chef.  I did not feel the need to "check in" to my location or notify the press that I made an earth-shattering risotto. Being connected online can seem important, or can be mindless entertainment, but the opportunity cost is bigger than you think.  It takes more effort to connect on a human level than it does to disconnect and the phone just makes it that much harder. 

In three days, I enjoyed being 100% present in conversations and activities.  That is healthier for relationships and for myself.  Disconnecting a bit from the news for just a few days was cleansing and much-needed.  By not being so connected to the world around me I was ….wait for it….connected to the world around me.  I am "simply positive"

that’s a world I could get used to.