For anyone who actually reads my positivity diary/blog – I
am BAAAAACK! I had to take a month
off while I was recuperating from surgery – painkillers and cohesive thoughts
don’t work well together.
We all have our strengths and we all have our weaknesses. I’m the first to admit that idleness is
not my friend, and I can be impatient and stubborn. On the plus side, I almost always greet every day with a
smile and take on challenges with optimism. This past month, I’ve combined my weaknesses and strengths
and am happy to report I’ve come out on the winning end.
Discovering that I needed a hip arthroscopy at my age was a
huge bummer and, while I was not excited about the pain I would ensue for the
coming months, it was the lack of independence and immobility that shook me to
my core. I’m claustrophobic by
nature. I hate airplanes,
elevators and any small space I am not allowed to quickly exit. Being trapped in my own body is
literally the thing I’m most afraid of….and knowing this would go on for up to
six months is a mind torture I can’t put into words. I knew if I was going to get through this I would have to be
very strategic.
The first few post-op days were a bit of a blur (thank you,
drugs) but even through my haze I knew from the get-go that if I had a chance
of getting through this with sanity, I had to find a way to pull out all my
positivity. I focused on
gratitude. The support of my
family was overwhelming. I was so grateful to have help, as I literally
couldn’t move at all. My family
did absolutely everything for me and they did it with love and grace. I was also grateful that I had the
luxury of convalescing at home and not in a rehab facility. I focused on the change in my physical
pain. I could finally envision a
life without chronic pain. There was instant relief after surgery. Yes, it was replaced by surgical pain,
but it was such a relief! I told myself to just keep it together and push
through the coming weeks.
For someone like me, who doesn't like to ask for help, it's an out-of-body experience to need help to do absolutely everything. I'm fiercely independent and I was worried what being bed-ridden would do to my metal health. As challenging as it sometimes was, I refused
to have a pity-party. As soon as I
could move I got dressed (with help) and put on make up and left the house like a real lady. Pain be damned- take
me to lunch! Human beings are
social creatures, and isolation is breeding grounds for depression. I wasn’t even giving that a chance.
Ever the over-achiever, I have never been content to do
anything half-assed. I began
physical therapy right away. I do exercises every day in between and I ask for more and more so we can get this show on the road. I am now one month post-op and I still
have a long way to go, but I have made HUGE strides. I’m way ahead of schedule with my physical expectations; I
can walk without crutches. My goal
is to attend my son’s graduation next month without a brace and no crutches and
I’m feeling positive I’ll get there.
The impatient side of me is “soooo over this” - I miss
jumping in the car and going wherever I want on a whim. It’s still a bummer to wake up with
discomfort and physical limits but I’m still focusing on how much I’m moving
forward. Through this process,
I’ve been forced to slow down. I’ve been forced to stay put. Slowing down is a positive thing
sometimes. I pay more attention to
the conversations I am having. I read
with more intent. I pay attention to detail. I make conscious choices to be happy and positive and
grateful. But don’t get me wrong,
I am in a HURRY to heal and be done with this!
Several weeks into my PT I met a young man, “L,” who was learning to walk again after
being paralyzed for three years.
He was literally trapped in his body for three years and here he was
holding the door of the elevator for me one day, one hand stabilizing himself
on his walker, and one hand holding the door for me. We started talking and I was so impressed with his positive
attitude and zest for life. He
wanted no pity for his situation, nor did he expect help. A man after my own heart! I also met an amazing elderly
woman in PT who broke both of her kneecaps. She must be well into her 80s but nothing is slowing her
down. She, and “L” exercise with me every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and we
are all determined to recover. We
always greet each other with smiles and encouragement and I say the same thing
each time…..”Wanna race?”
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