Life is a Battlefield

Life is like a field filled with land mines of battles waiting to erupt.  You can either tip toe around the battle or pick the ones worth fighting for.  Running through them all is just exhausting, makes no sense and causes one to be disillusioned and angry.  I have a strategy for dealing with life’s battles….it’s called breathing.  All day long we are bombarded with little and big possibilities for battle.  Stop.  Take a breath or two, and then decide if it’s worth it.  I’m “simply positive” that most of the time it’s not.

When I was younger, I avoided as many battles as I could, not because I was protecting my sanity, but because I wasn’t brave enough to fight them.  I was surrounded by some strong personalities that didn’t fight fair, so my role model for argument was one I chose not to emulate.  As I grew older, I decided I needed more control, so I would fight explosive battles, then run away from the consequence or the solution.  That, also, was not healthy. Now that I’ve been on the planet for a few more decades, and have seen a thing or two, I have settled into how I want and need to navigate life’s battles.  I do not avoid them, yet I do not seek them out.  I deal with the ones I’m supposed to with grace and dignity.

Why do we argue and fight and get irritated with one another so easily?  Why are we so impatient in our daily lives?  We let every little, single thing climb under our skin until it becomes ammunition for a battle that doesn’t need to be fought.  I just don’t live my life that way.  I choose to lead with my positive foot each morning.  I don’t let the car cutting me off in traffic rouse me.  I don’t let the snarky grocery clerk irritate me.  I don’t let the kids’ wet towel on the bathroom floor cause concern.  These are things I just don’t need clouding my judgment for the battles I may need to choose later.  I choose my own battles very wisely, and it takes quite a lot for me to jump into the fire, so if I do it, it means only one thing…that behind it all, there is love.  Nobody has an argument if there is apathy behind it.   A loud battlefield means there is passion behind it.  There is feeling.  If there is a battle requiring my attention, and I am not engaging, however, do not take that omission as weakness.  A quiet battlefield is the loudest of all. 

It is important to learn which battles to fight, and which to walk away from.  Some, I move away from because in the end, they just aren’t important, and some I move away from because the person or issue isn’t rational or I know without a doubt that my involvement will make no impact.  When my kids are upset about something and have to make a determination to have a confrontation, I always ask them, “In five years, will this still be on your mind?  Will this still matter?”  If the answer is no, it is not a battle worth fighting for. If the answer is “yes,” give it all you’ve got.

Another thing I’ve learned through the years is that battles can be diffused if you take your ego out of the equation.  People just want to be heard.  Sometimes it is more important to empathize with someone’s feelings, than to argue a point, or command affirmation of your own point of view.  Take yourself out of the equation and put yourself in the other’s shoes.  Without clouding the canvas with your own feelings, can you see their side? 

When a battle comes your way, is it the same one you had yesterday and the day before that?  Sometimes the pattern of insanity needs to be recognized and you need to walk away.  There is strength in accepting what you cannot change. Not all battles should be fought and not all that are, can be won, but one thing I’m sure of is that they all leave scars.  Only you can decide if the scar is worth the battle.